Should my phone be Family Guy or Harry Potter themed?
| Mood: crazy |
I just realized after opening this window that I don't actually have anything to say.
I lost my job.
But most of you who will read that already know.
I'm still breathing though. That's something right?
I have had like the strangest weekend. I've hung with some random people. I've done some random things.
And then it ends and I'm back where I began.
I can't seem to write. I have this horrible case of writers block that has totally messed with my head. Everything I write sounds retarded.
To say that my life has changed recently would be to simplify it far more than allowable.
Different hardly even scratches the surface here.
Nothing is the same. Every relationship with every person has shifted. People whom I have thought of the same way since I met them have suddenly started doing things to cause a reevaluation of my opinions of them. Some for bad. Some for good. Some in a direction that is so new and untread upon that I haven't been able to decipher if the direction it will lead is acceptable or not.
My room mate, Joe, is moving out of the house. He and Winona, another room mate, have broken up and he is leaving.
Everything is thrown off kilter.
I've lost a lot of weight. Where as this time last year I wore an 18, I'm a 14 now. I've started to realize that I am attractive. This, of course, was aided by an interest that I never expected to take hold. But it has boldened me.
Even though the whole thing was a bust.
I don't know what I'm babbling about, don't listen to me.
Work isn't going perfectly. I guess I shouldn't expect it to.
I'm so stressed I don't know what to do anymore.
I need some sort of release. A way to get all this pent up frustration out. To release my energy. Level out my zen.
I've stopped practicing anything and everything related to my religion.
I am Jake's heart wrenching impotence.
I wish that life came with a handbook. With a massively huge index. And all you have to do is look up the situation (all situations would be present in the index, it's a big book) and the book would tell you how to handle the situation to maximize the end result you want.
I need to find that book.
"The Annoyances of Co-Habitation" -2/5/05@2:17am
*makes tortured grunting noise*
I'm so fucking sick of boys thinking they can be as big of an asshole as they want and that I should just let it slide off my back. Fuck that.
First of all, my room mate Joe has two cars. The first one is the one he was driving when I met him, and it's been broken down since he attempted to drive it through a waist high pubble back in like September. This hunk of junk has been taking up the front half of our driveway since we moved in here. Which, really, no one paid much mind to. Well NOW he has ANOTHER hunk of junk that he never drives taking up the SECOND half of driveway so that no one can park in the drive way at all.
I let this go for nearly a week, but today I brought it up and all he said was "I don't care, I'm not the one that has to walk the extra half a block." I told him that was very rude and he said he didn't care about that either.
And Daryl, oh don't get me started on HIM. He's got this raging hormonal crush on Christy and therefore has to have her sitting next to him. So when I got up out of my seat he instructed her to take it. Close to two hours later she gets up and when I try to take it back he has to be a big dick about it. And said if I took it he was just going to make me leave.
So I just left on my own. And he shows no interest in apologizing or anything.
The sad part is that I really want to knock on the wall and go smoke a cigarette with him or something.
"Um... no title." -2/4/05@7:39pm
I've had a nice lazy day. I spent all day fixing up my myspace : http://profiles.myspace.com/users/64755
My sister comes to town tonight, yay.
I really don't have much more to say.
Okay, need to get a life I guess.
"Life Upsidedown" -2/3/05@9:41am
It's been a chaotic week in Lauren Land. Friday night I arrived at work to find out that my three managers are "Have moved on from Hot Topic.". That was it, the extent of the explanation. To the best of my knowledge there was no forewarning that this was coming. At least not that I saw, and it shocked me to hear it. Especially since these are the people who hired me, the people who were there when we were putting the store together, etc. etc. So this news was not easy news to take.
The news that followed that was better news. I was offered the Part-Time Assistant Manager position at my store. Which, I won't lie, is awesome. But at the same time heartwrenching, because they're gone and it feels kind of like I'm stealing their spot.
I'm sure they wouldn't see it that way, and I'm being paranoid, but it's been on my mind a lot since Friday, despite how busy I've been.
I went from working 5-10 hours a week to 40. Not that I'm complaining, because I need the money. In fact I was on the verge of having to find a second job or I was not going to be able to continue making my bills. So... this saved me. Really.
I guess you could say that life is good right now, bittersweet, but good.
Things at the house are... okay I guess. Winona drives me up the wall sometimes, but aside from that things are going well. I couldn't ask for better room mates than Daryl and Joe. They are so cool and down to earth, and we spend the majority of our time just chilling. Sitting around, watching movies, playing video games, etc. And I don't have to worry about them lecturing me about... well, anything really.
Been hanging out with my friend Noah a lot more than normal lately, simply because he stopped boycotting my house, for a long time he said he would never come into it because of Winona, but he got over it aparently.
I guess there isn't a whole lot else to tell, except that I dyed part of my hair purple and I bought a gerbil.
Now that really is it.
| Mood: busy |
"Le Sigh" -1/11/05@4:46am
One day, eventually, I'll learn to let go.
I haven't got there yet.
| Mood: crushed |
"Down with Spyware" -12/17/04@3:16pm
I had the worst Browser HighJacker invade my computer this week. For those of you who don't know, a HighJacker is a type of Spyware/Adware that takes over your browser to a certain extent. This particular one changed my homepage, added popups to pages that shouldn't have popups, fucked up AIM so that I couldn't open up an IM window, killed my pop up blocker, and overall slowed down everything.
I've learned more about Spyware in the past two days than I would have ever liked to know. I have no less than ten different Spyware Scanning programs on my computer, none of which could destroy this particular little bug disguised as a program called "Search Extender". Fortunately, after two days of fighting with it I was able to shake it free using HighJack!This, a handy program that digs down deep for spyware that other things miss.
I'm so glad to have control over my own PC again. And now with all the firewall protection I have, nothing gets into it unless I say it can.
Perhaps I'm a horrible person, but I'm going hermit tonight. I've got a lot of stuff on my mind and I need to sort it out by myself.
"Hey Britt, You're Dating My Brother" -12/14/04@9:49am
"Empty Bed and Lonely Nights" -12/13/04@12:52pm
Will I be so depressed and lonely forever? Perhaps it's the holidays or maybe even it's the new house. All I know is that despite the almost constant presence of other people, I can't help but feel like I'm all by myself.
Everyday has turned into the same blur. A constant stream of pointless days and sleepless nights. I long for companionship. And yet, I've accepted that it isn't coming. Perhaps that's the problem.
In the absence of hope there is nothing left but despair.
I didn't sleep last night. For no reason other than... I didn't feel like it. I still don't feel like it.
| Mood: depressed |
I've finally got my own computer fixed and set up. It's a great feeling of freedom. I will never again have to use Winona's computer for anything I can do it all on mine.
Life has been fairly dull lately. I've been spending more time hanging out with Christy. She sort of fills the void that Brittany left me with when she moved to California.
The roomies are getting along okay. Joe had a couple days where he was snapping at everyone, me included, but he seems to have gotten over it. Which is a good thing, because it was starting to wear on my last nerves.
We decorated the house for X-Mas. Complete with a faux tree in the living room and lights strung on our porch.
I apologize for the fragmented nature of this entry, i just woke up.
I think I'm going to go read now, I can probably finish my book before I have to leave for work at three.
"Greetings from Colonial Place" -11/23/04@3:44pm
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal...along with these instructions.
"He dreamed that he was on show in a zoo, with a card reading UNDERAGE WIZARD attached to his cage." - Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Uber bored I am. sitting at home watching MTV which really only ever shows repeats of pimp my ride and that annoying lacuna beach crap.
Everything has settled nicely into our house. The internet is upand running, obviously.
Work is tiring.
Somehow I wish I had more to say, but I just have nothing.
"Monday Morning and I'm Up at 7" -11/1/04@7:10am
Actually, I didn't go to bed. Not because I couldn't sleep. More because I didn't try to sleep. I wasn't tired. I just... stayed up.
"Ripped Up T-Shirts and Cock Blocks" -10/18/04@3:08pm
I've had a fairly eventful weekend. My sister arrived in town late friday evening. And she leapt up and surprised the Ballentine boys.
Saturday was Noah's 21st birthday party. I actually went over early and was there all evening. Smoked a lot. Played the new MOrtal Combat game. Which was more entertaining than I had bargained.
Sunday, well, sunday was eventful because we are retards. Tim dragged me and Brittany to the airport to see Duncan when he got in. Only to discover that he had already gotten in two hours before that. We went to a bar and played pool then napalm.
Weird to see Duncan.
Tim is a cock block.
That is all.
| Mood: nostalgic |
"A Technical Question" -10/16/04@3:17am
I've been downloading a lot of movies on my computer recently, but I can't seem to play AVI files. It keeps coming up saying I have some sort of invalid codec or that i'm lacking the codec alltogether, and then it will play the sound but not the video.
Anyone out there in LJ land have any clue that the hell is going on?
"mafia_transie Stole My Candy" -10/16/04@3:14am
|My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul|
|laurensnape goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as a pirate.|
|backrow gives you 6 white orange-flavoured gummy worms.|
|boromir0614 gives you 10 red root beer-flavoured miniature candy bars.|
|coell gives you 9 tan watermelon-flavoured gummies.|
|cthulugrrl gives you 6 yellow coffee-flavoured hard candies.|
|mafia_transie tricks you! You lose 20 pieces of candy!|
|notamos tricks you! You lose 8 pieces of candy!|
|peekaboo78 tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!|
|poolsharkx2 tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!|
|rhpspiscesboi gives you 4 blue cinnamon-flavoured gummy bats.|
|toxic_river tricks you! You get a rock.|
|laurensnape ends up with 5 pieces of candy, and a rock.|
|Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.|
For the first night in a long time, I seriously can not fall asleep. I've laid down for hours. I've attempted to pass out in front of the TV. I've attempted to pass out on various couches in my house.
The sandman is smiting me for some reason.
Fortunately, during my recent hours vegging out on the couch watching old episodes of Sex in the City on HBO on Demand, I had a bit of a revelation.
Duncan is my Mr. Big.
The man who swept through my life like a tornado and then moves to California only to pop up and sweep me away for a while longer.
Days Till Mr. Big Arrives: 4
Hours Till Work: 5 1/2
| Mood: curious |
"My Backpack's Got Jets" -10/13/04@3:28am
No, I haven't murdered anyone.
I didn't join the Russian mafia.
And I had nothing to do with that drug smuggling ring running out of lakewood.
In other news:
Daryl and Brittany have simmered down. No more third wheel.
Noah and Daryl hung out in the same space for several hours today. Hell is frozen, it may take months to recuperate.
Brittany leaves in less than three weeks.
Duncan is getting here in five days (this I only found out today).
Today we stole pumpkins from Jesus.
Yesterday we played with a whole lot of golf balls.
I still don't know what I'm going to be for Halloween.
I think that's all.
| Mood: crazy |
A quote from my horoscope for the week: "Perhaps you've been feeling a little ignored, lately."
"A Slightly Annoyed Post" -10/5/04@3:55am
Can I not get just a moment alone with Daryl? Five minutes, maybe?
I don't think I can do it anymore. I can't be the third wheel.
You know, Brittany and Daryl are not dating. Officially. But in my mind, they really are.
And you know what, I wouldn't hang out with Joe and Winona this much as just them and me. Why should I be the third wheel in this fucked up relationship?
I know why I'm there. I'm there because if I'm there it keeps them in check. And by in check I mean it keeps Daryl from jumping into serious "us" talk and it keeps Brittany from feeling like they are getting too close to being a couple.
I'm tired of feeling uncomfortable. I'm tired of sitting on a couch while they are all cuddled together and i'm just sitting on the other end leaning away and pretending I'm not the third wheel.
Hell, even Winona and Joe have more consideration for me when it's just me and them. They tone it down a lot.
Just because Brittany and Daryl are in this weird unofficial dating thing doesn't mean the normal rules of common courtesy shouldn't apply, right?
In other words, I think I'm just going to back out of plans tomorrow. If Britt or Daryl wants to hang out, then fine. But not if it's the three of us and no one else.
That may have to be vetoed entirely for a while. I'll either hang out with one or the other. Or the both of them if there are other people around.
And only if there are other people around.
Now that that's all out, moving on.
Had an odd night. Met odd people. Smoked with an almost complete stranger.
Yada yada yada.
Played a lot of X-Men Legends.
Really feeling rather lonely.
I guess it's because I feel like I'm not a real importance to any of my friends.
Joe is really important to Winona, and vice versa. Brittany is really important to Daryl and I'm not so sure about vice versa.
I just want someone to for once care about me just a smidge more than someone else. Even if it's just for a day.
I just want someone to see that I want to talk. NOTICE my efforts to get them alone to talk. And then not thwart those efforts in an attempt to keep the object of their lust in the car for twenty minutes longer even though they're asleep.
But it's okay, I'm not bitter.
| Mood: bitchy |
"Oh Where Has My Buddy List Gone?" -10/3/04@5:38am
AIM has screwed up my buddy list. I now have no one's names anymore. So if you want to IM me sometime at TigrisSheerKahn, feel free.
"Here I Go, With My Bass Line Low" -10/2/04@1:51pm
My parents are out of town for the weekend. I always go a bit power mad when they do this. Because I have the whole house to myself and I can have one or two people over to watch a movie and play video games. That way for once I am the hostess.
I get all hyper.
Joe and Daryl got me really hooked on the PS2 game "X-Men Legends". It can be four player so me and Brittany can play with them. Everyone gets into it. We'll all yell at each other and refer to each other by the name of the mutant we are in the game. We played it for HOURS.
Life is going fairly okay. There are a couple glitches with Daryl, but aside from that life seems just peachy.
I'm gauging my ears. For those of you who don't know, that is when you gradually up the size of the metal rod that goes through your ear, and by proxy increasing the size of the hole.
I doubt I will continue with it as long as I've seen some people do it for, but I may go up to like a 10. That could be cute.
Brittany just traipsed downstairs to babble about the damn game more. I will not go play it more. It's gone and melted my brain.
| Mood: awake |
Brittany is thinking of moving to California. I don't even really know how to react to that. I mean I know why she's doing it. Of her two room mates in November Jess is moving out of state and Winona is moving in with me, Joe, and Daryl. So that essentially leaves Brittany homeless. And I feel bad but I don't. Because she never actively pursued finding a new living situation. I guess.
Daryl is thinking of backing out of our apartment hunt though. Which, I think, is a little unfair of him. Especially since I know that a good chunk of the reasoning behind it has nothing to do with me or the other room mates and everything to do with something that he won't be able to have control of even if he wants to.
I talked to Duncan for a long time last night. It was really nice to check up on him, make sure he's still alive. He seems to be doing well, exhausted, but well. I asked him what happened about visiting this summer. His response was "I thought I'd be coming home, but it didn't happen." I told him I was moving out. I told him I had a whole new set of friends.
I think he was baffled. I hadn't realized until I talked to him last night that I've actually changed over the past 6 months. I'm more laid back. I'm less.... psycho?
I am really excited about moving. I just want to do it. But I know I have a lot of shit I need to do. I have to get rid of stuff. I've been, essentially, living in the same room since I was eight, so I've accumulated a lot of useless shit.
| Mood: curious |
"Say What?" -9/23/04@5:13am
Duncan: I don't care if they think we had gay butt sex.
Me: Did you just say "gay butt sex"?
Duncan: Yes, I did just say "gay butt sex".
Me: That's fucking awesome.
| Mood: amused |
"Bored soul, Hyper Body" -9/21/04@12:23am
I think that I'm just overly addicted to being in an altered state of mind. I enjoy it. I like for things to feel different.
I am sitting in Relative Theory records right now, staring at a picture of an overly young Johnny Depp smoking a cigarette in bed. It's hanging on the wall right behind the console I'm at.
I don't really have all that much to say at the moment. Daryl moved out of Ballentine and is now living out at the beach. My car is broken down again which I think means it is about time for me to face the facts taht I need a NEW car. Plans are slowly coming together for my move in November. Though I'm still not 100% sure on any of it.
I'm tired. Lately. It's like I sleep plenty and I still wake up feeling exhaused. I fall asleep if there isn' enough going on in the room. Because I'm always tired.
Sometimes, I have no need or want to interact with people. Not triggered by anything just sometimes I'm latently anti-social.
I sincerely apologize for the fragmented nature of this entry. My mind is all over the place at once right now.
I saw Will, the 7-11 boy last night. I think it is safe to confirm that he does indeed have an attraction to me. But suddenly I'm not sure about how keen I am on that idea. We'll have to see.
I talked to The Big Bad Ex last night. I don't know why. He really didn't sound too extremely pleased to talk to me. So I don't plan on reliving that situation again. So I purposefully lost his number again.
Fudge is good.
Sometimes I like to watch people when they are on their own. Those times when no one is really close to them so they think it's safe to just let loose. Some people go all out, others just make a subtle shift.
It's fun to see what they do when they have no strings attached.
I'm worried about packing up all my stuff. I can't really actually move.
I think I lost my brain.
That is all.
| Mood: crazy |